Building Trust with Mentees

Agreement without action is usually a sign that disagreeing does not feel free. That is often about position rather than personality. If she is not sure what you write down, who reads it, or whether saying no affects something she needs, then agreeing is the safe move and she is playing it well.

The things that shift it are unglamorous. Say at the start what you record and who sees it, in plain words, and repeat it later, because nobody remembers the first time. Say what you cannot do as clearly as what you can. Keep small promises exactly: if you said you would send something by Thursday, send it Thursday, or send a message on Thursday saying it will be Friday.

Then make disagreement cheap. Offer two options instead of one suggestion and ask which is worse. Ask what would make a plan hard rather than whether she likes it. Those questions are answerable without contradicting you, which is a lower bar to clear.

The one that changed things for us was ending sessions differently. Instead of asking whether everything was clear, which always got a yes, I started asking her to tell me what she was going to do first and when. When she could not, that was the useful information, and it was not a confrontation.